“Wow! You must be exhausted at the end of the day!” I turned around to see the farmer, who had been watching me chase Knox all around from one animal pen to the next for the past 2 hours. I laughed and nodded my agreement - because damn, I really am SO tired at the end of the day. This is something I hear at least once a week from total strangers. No kidding.
While I know ALL moms are tired at the end of the day, there is nothing like being a mostly-single parent to a child with autism and (undiagnosed) ADHD. You see... Knox is almost always on the move. He also has a lot of 'ups' in public, which means he might just start running around and high-pitched screaming for no reason because he's excited, refusing to even be held. On the other hand, his lows are pretty low and he's been known to go into full 'shut-down mode' without any notice or specific triggers (eyes closed, head down, no speaking/moving - just blocking the world out), which seems to be happening more and more lately.
Then there’s the meltdowns that happen more often than not with Knox. Once we drove 45 minutes to the aquarium and had to leave within 10 minutes of entering because he was so obsessed with climbing into the touch tank that he didn’t want to do anything else. Sometimes we drive to the grocery store and he doesn’t wanna sit in the cart, and kicks and screams until we turn around and go home. He wouldn't go on the pony ride we waited in line for because he didn't like the way the helmet felt on his head. Days spent sitting on the beach or by the pool are stress-induced and include keeping Knox from running straight into every and any body of water... so they don't happen often.
On top of this Knox has never been a good sleeper, and we've tried all the cry it out methods. The dysregulation, anxiety and nervousness that Knox (and other people with ASD) experience make it difficult for him to relax enough to fall asleep or stay asleep. And anyone who has a child knows if your child isn’t sleeping, you aren’t sleeping. So am I tired? Always. Have I aged 10 years since Knox was born? Probably. The bags and circles under my eyes seem to be permanent at least...
But just as mental health affects your sleep patterns... your sleep patterns also affect your mental health. Your body needs to rest in order to regulate moods and emotions so if you're not sleeping enough, your moods and emotions will be affected. I suffer from anxiety myself, and triggers can including anything from a room full of people to standing in long lines, being in enclosed spaces and flying on a plane, driving over bridges or just sitting in traffic. So having a child who is prone to meltdowns and/or shutdowns at any given moment has forced me out of my comfort zone almost every day. In addition, having a child that doesn't sleep has had an even more severely negative impact on my mental health. But somehow you survive... you cope with it all.
Once a child is born they become everyones main focus, and parents stop putting themselves first. I stopped taking care of myself because my child needed so much of me. But the truth is if you aren't in a healthy state of mind you really can't be there 100% for your child, and I felt myself slipping as a mother because of it. Recently I've taken a more active involvement in my own mental health for my sons sake. So if you need help and you're holding back, just know that you are not alone. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Go see that therapist, get on medication, talk to someone who will listen. Do whatever you need to do to be the best parent, sibling, child, and friend you can be.
And take that nap when you can.. that's also good for your mental health :)
