In 2019 I left two extremely toxic jobs that involved mental and sexual harassment. I suffered a few terrible losses, and my heart was broken more than once. My relationship ended in the worst possible way... with police, a restraining order, and bruises all over my body. I was left with physical, emotional and mental scars that I may never fully heal from, and I was honestly grateful when it was over.
As I look towards my future as a single, working mom of a child with special needs... I'm honestly terrified. Terrified that while trying to manage everything, I'll also fail at everything. How can I be a good mom--doing it on my own 90% of the time--and also be good at my career? How can I balance making breakfast, packing lunches, cooking dinners, getting Knox to and from school and taking care of the the middle of the night wake ups almost every night by myself, while also keeping a household together (and my sanity) and working full time? Staying on top of Knox's therapy and teaching potty training, helping him learn each day and grow up to be a good man... I can't fail at that. I'm terrified that I'll be stretched too thin, that I won't be able to fill the role of mom and dad on a daily basis, that my mental and physical health will suffer, and that I won't be able to give my all at work or at home.
But then I think about the sweet, beautiful, tiny human who is relying on me and I know I just can't let him down. I can't break and I can't fail. So I'll show him how good life is even when it gets hard. That the bumps in the road only make the journey more meaningful and the destination more beautiful.
While it's been tough, this past year has also made me stronger than ever. In 2020 I'm excited for a fresh start for Knox and I. For reconnecting with family and friends. For opening up my heart to the prospect of falling in love--a real, true, everlasting love that will withstand the test of time. Because being surrounded by family and friends and having someone to share this crazy life-ride with is what really matters.. and if if you have that you have it all.
